PMS=EMO=INSOMNIA

I can’t sleep with these thoughts. I just can’t sleep.

I want to drift off to a quiet slumber. I can never just drift off.

I want to solve all my discomforts.  I can’t even pinpoint them.

Fluttering. Floating. Making me uncomfortable.

That grass over there, it looks a lot fucking greener than this grass over here.

But I just turned around and remembered that grass back there. When I was over there, this grass I’m standing on over here looked a different shade of green.

Huh.

I want to chase it all. It all. It all.  It all.

*sigh*

I want to sell my things and travel the world by backpack, with my dog and cat on a leash.

I want to move downtown, blocks from work and live in a tiny apartment in a tall building and have every amenity  a stones throw away.

I want to climb a corporate ladder, following the rules, being the star, being the power, making the money.

I want to move into a yurt on acres and acres of untouched land and plant a garden and paint things and learn to play a guitar better.

I want to go to Africa and work at a school or an orphanage.

I want to drop this banking gig and go back to school to be a counselor or social worker of some sort, where I’m proud of the contribution I’m making to humanity.

I want to transfer to a branch that’s close to my sister and sister in law. I miss them.

I want to, again, sell everything and build a tiny house in Oklahoma on a piece of land my Dad owns. Then come up with millions of crafty, etsy ideas that my Dad can use his handy work and carpentry skills for and we can be a father daughter duo. I miss him.

I want to move home to Texas, goof around with my brother in his gararge and go thrift store shopping with my Mom and walk around candy cane park when the sun isn’t scorching.  I miss them.

I want to be so selfish and do only what I want. Allthetime.

I want to sacrifice everything and give it to the people/family that won’t always be in my life.

 

Can the gap ever be closed?

 

 

 

 

 

 

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